Dear parents, I want you to observe your thoughts for a week. I want you to note down the thoughts that cross your mind regarding your child and yourself as a parent, and categorize these thoughts into two categories - positive thoughts and negative thoughts.
I, then, want you to analyze the negative thoughts that cross your mind and evaluate where they are coming from. Are they based in the past, the present, the future, or a combination of all three? Your thoughts could be coming from an unresolved past, a stressful present and/or an uncertain future.
I want you to divide your negative thoughts into three categories:
1. Negative thoughts that are based on your unresolved past.
2. Negative thoughts that are based on your stressful present.
3. Negative thoughts that are based on the uncertain future.
1. Work on the negative thoughts that are based on your unresolved past on your own or with a counselor or psychologist or psychotherapist, without bringing your child into it. It is vital that you keep the two separate to ensure your child’s mental well-being.
2. Work on the negative thoughts based on your stressful present by reducing your stress using smart solutions that are effective and easy to implement in your current situation. It is important that the solutions be easy to implement otherwise they will add to stress rather than reducing it.
3. This will leave you with the negative thoughts that are based on the uncertain future. I want you to note down these thoughts and set them aside.
I, now, want you to focus on your child. I want you to focus on what your child is doing at this moment and observe him or her. Does your child seem happy, content, comfortable, carefree or is he or she sad, angry, anxious, agitated? If your child is happy, content, comfortable, carefree, connect with your child by participating in what your child is doing in the moment and bond with them by sharing in their joy. Forget about the past, the future, the uncertainties, the worries, and focus on the present moment. That is all that matters right now. Cherish it and store it with other treasured memories in your mind to help you get through the difficult times.
If your child is sad, angry, anxious, agitated, connect with your child by putting yourself in his or her shoes and trying to understand why your child is feeling the way they are feeling, and determine what you can do to make them feel better. This is a great opportunity to understand your child’s needs and build your child’s trust in you by showing them that they can rely on you to take care of their needs when they are unable to take care of their needs themselves. That's all you have to do right now - take care of your child's current needs. Before you know it, you will have built a strong foundation for your child to grow by providing them the support that they need when they need it, until they no longer need it, and are ready stand on their own and move on to the next level, much like the construction of a building or a skyscraper.
Love,
Preeti
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